English is a crazy language...
English is a crazy language:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought itwas time to present the present
8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no eggin eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine inpineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England orFrench fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies whilesweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take Englishfor granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find thatquicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and aguinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural oftooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? Onegoose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not oneamend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid ofall but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If avegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?Sometimes I think all the English speakers should becommitted to an asylum for the verbally insane. In whatlanguage do people recite at a play and play at a recital?Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that runand feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while awise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel atthe unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burnup as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by fillingit out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and itreflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course,is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out,they are visible, but when the lights are out, they areinvisible.
PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"
Saturday, May 24, 2008
They say English is a Crazy Language, tapi tak taulah...hangpa baca ni ...
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2 comments:
LOGICALLY SPEAKING
Which is worse: Ignorance or Apathy? Who knows? Who cares?
Why do psychics always have to ask for your name?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morailty come from morons?
Why is getting beat up and getting beat down the same thing?
If winners never quit, and quitters never win... then why do we say quit while you're ahead?
If knowledge is power, and power corrupts... Then School is Evil!
If man evolved from monkees and apes, then why do we still have monkees and apes?
If a trick-or-treater comes to your door wearing a sheet, are they a ghost, or a mattress?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If someone with multiple personality disorder threatens to kill themselves, is it considered suicide or a hostage situation?
Is a fly with no wings still a fly? Wouldn't it be a walk or a hop?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that when we bounce a check, the bank charges us more of what they already know we don't have any of?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Why is it that we recite at a play and play at a recital?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Why don't tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Could it be that light bulbs don't really produce light, but rather just suck up all the dark?
Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it.
What do little birdies see when they are knocked unconscious.
If you didn't get caught did you really do it?
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
If quitters never win, then who is the fool who said "Quit while you're ahead"?
why does monosyllable have so many syllables?
Why have an expireation date on sour cream?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody is perfect... then why practice?
Why do vampires always chase down Christians? Why not Jews, or Arabs? You know, somebody who won't be carrying a cross! -- Galager
Why isn't the word 'phonetically' spelled like it sounds?
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
What is the speed of dark?
Do witches run spell checkers?
Does fuzzy logic tickle?
What is a "free gift?" Aren't all gifts free?
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why are there interstates in Hawaii?
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
Why are cigarettes sold at gas stations when smoking is prohibited?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If buttered toast always lands buttered side down and a cat always lands on its feet, what would happen
if you tied a piece of buttered toast on the back of a cat and dropped it?
If you are driving at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights, what happens?
You know how most packages say "Open here". What should you do if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
Why do we drive on parkways when we park on driveways?
Why is it that when you transport something by car, it's called shipment but when you transport something by ship it's called cargo?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes---why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If olive oil comes from olives, and corn oil from corn, where does baby oil come from?
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
hahaha..nice ones!!english IS a crazy language..indeed!!n i remember learning the word ghoti=fish in linguistics =p
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